The waiting game is wild
Anxiety much? Here are 3 things I'm doing
What matters most to you At The End Of The Day? I’m Hannah Sung and I write this newsletter to help process the daily firehose of news.
I think about perspective on how to care for ourselves, our friends and families, and extending that feeling by caring for our communities and the common good.
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So here we are, still playing the waiting game.
This anxious waiting game is the vibe of 2020. This week, we’re waiting for historic US election results. For much of this year, we’ve been waiting for better news about the COVID-19 pandemic.
Credit: Lyla Ribot, GIPHY
The political division of this election won’t end when a result is called. And when the president tweets, “STOP THE COUNT,” it’s clear we’re still shockable, or at least I am, even after four years. [1]
What I look forward to is Trump, who has been malicious with his power, having to deal with the consequences of his actions without the protective cloak of power of being president, whenever we get to see that happen. [2]
CAPTION: This prediction from Sanders is like looking into a crystal ball.
In 2008, the night Obama won his first presidential election, I was in New York where I was dazzled by a crowd that filled St. Marks Place in an impromptu street party, blasting 90s feel-good hip hop as a girl on roller skates handing out homemade red, white and blue cupcakes and people burst into singing the Star-Spangled Banner.
In 2016, the night Trump won, I was at a party, where people were festively looking forward to a result that was not to take place. We were chatting, laughing and eating various foods on sticks until at some point between 9 and 10 pm when I looked up to a monitor broadcasting results.
It’s been a long four years.
In an instant, the mood turned somber. I didn’t say goodbye to anyone, I just walked out and rode my bike home in the dark. The streets were eerie and empty and I felt disoriented. I wanted to go home and get in the basement (a very weird instinct because it’s nothing but loose toys and a washing machine down there -- I just wanted to hide, I think).
We’ve lived through four years of lies, confusion, fomenting anger, pandemic politicization and brutally racist rhetoric from the White House.
And now that there is finally an opportunity for change, we need to...wait?
A common theme among my friends is that they can’t sleep these days but especially this week, when election results are giving us clear and ugly messages on American values, and when voter suppression, as historian Judith Goldstein said to me in a pre-election interview, is the norm not the exception, throughout America’s past. [3]
It’s an extremely anxious holding pattern, this waiting game. There’s an uncertainty that is horrible and familiar to 2020.
So how can we wait better? In a way that helps us get some sleep?
The way I’m dealing with this week’s unnerving wait time is by focusing on the everyday things I can actually control.
Here are some choices I’m making for myself today, tomorrow and for the longer-term future.
Today: Taking a break from the news
Has Pennsylvania been called? Michigan? Florida, how could you? I know. It’s addictive but it takes a toll. The day after vote day, I checked in to the news once in the morning and then once again at night. That was it.
It helps to be out in the world. That morning after, I took a slow walk to school with my son and he spotted a goldfinch in the sun. I swear that little bird, and that small moment, put me on a damn great path for the day.
I did have pangs of guilt about avoiding the news. Sometimes I refresh the news constantly, literally all day long. This time, I couldn’t do it. Taking a break won’t change the results but it did make a vast difference to me in that 24-hr window. Unplugging a little feels like the only way I’ve survived this week.
Tomorrow: Making a short-term plan
Hey, we finally got our deep freezer! (Highest level of mom-ing, unlocked!). I can’t wait to spend this weekend cooking, all the burners going, just socking it away into this thing like it’s Tetris.
I like to prep mirepoix (the trifecta of cooked onion, carrot and celery), beans and cleaned greens so I can throw together fast soups for dinner. I’m also going to bake giant batches of muffins that I can throw in like frozen pucks to school lunches (I swear, the kids like them). I’ve been big on Morning Glory lately. [4]
I’ve got serious plans.
So did they.
Future Plans: Doing something just a tad ambitious
This week, there was a spectacular sunset in Toronto. I was out on the street and everyone had their faces lifted and heads turned, looking up into the sky. It was a beautiful reminder of what it’s like to derive joy from something on the horizon.
The Media Girlfriends scholarship, and fundraising for it, is doing that for me.
Media Girlfriends is a network of women working in Canadian media, founded by Nana aba Duncan. Over the past four or five years, this group of friends has been a lifeline to me.
One way that Media Girlfriends is responding to the lack of diverse representation and leadership in Canadian journalism industry is by investing in the future.
So, inspired by the work of Toronto school trustee Tiffany Ford, Nana aba Duncan and Jennifer Hollett started a scholarship for aspiring media professionals. A whole bunch of Media Girlfriends lent their expertise, including Nam Kiwanuka, Garvia Bailey, Rachel Giese, Reshmi Nair, and others behind the scenes.
What I’ve learned through this is that you’re never the only one who is bothered by a systemic problem. There are so many others just itching to throw in their effort (and in this case, money) to work toward something better.
We started the Media Girlfriends scholarship last year with the modest goal of reaching $2,000. Within hours, we blew through that ceiling. We upped it and blew through that. With the support of many people, both friends and kind strangers, we raised enough money to award two scholarships of $7,000 each to two very deserving students studying journalism and media.
It felt so great to see the two recipients be awarded. What I didn’t expect is what the scholarship would give me, which is a renewed faith in the power of organizing change. It happens in small steps, but the will is out there. [5]
Those are the three things I’m clinging to this week as we wait. What are yours?
I hope you can make a couple of your own choices this week that put you first while we let the votes be counted. All of them. It will take time.
Last week, I wrote about frustration. It was reassuring to hear back from people, near and far (including a parent at our school whom I’ve never met in person yet! Hi Suzanna!).
Thanks to Emma, who sent me the essay on surge capacity, which does a lot of great explaining on why we all feel this way right now (and what baby steps we can take to restore our energy). [6]
And thanks Karena, for writing to say you were cleaning up your inbox, ready to unsubscribe, until you started reading my latest letter. Imagining your finger hovering on the unsubscribe button made me smile and it made me even happier to know that reading about Al Etmanski’s work made you stay. I feel that way, too. [7]
If you like what you’re reading, hit the heart below. And if you’d like to make a donation to the Media Girlfriends scholarship for women and non-binary people studying journalism, media, communications or tech, please do! And let me know, I’d love to message you a high five.
Thank you so much for reading,
Hannah
Eagle-eye editing by Ishani Nath
FURTHER READING:
[1] Meme makers enlist Sesame Street’s Count von Count in the fight to tally every vote, Fast Company
[2] Report: Trump is terrified of going to prison after losing the election, as he should be, Vanity Fair
[3] What Do We Do Tomorrow? Episode 1 with Judith Goldstein, 6 Degrees and The Walrus Lab
[4] Morning glory breakfast cake, Smitten Kitchen. I use an old, hand-written recipe card for Morning Glory muffins but you can never go wrong with Smitten Kitchen.
[5] Media Girlfriends launches scholarship to bring more diverse women to the fore, She Does The City
[6] Your ‘Surge Capacity’ Is Depleted — It’s Why You Feel Awful, Elemental, Medium
[7] A cure for frustration, At The End Of The Day newsletter
And the person my friends and I are talking about, Stacey Abrams:
Click to donate to the Media Girlfriends scholarship for women and non-binary people pursuing studies in journalism, communications, media and tech.
